I hate it when people say, "Well, it was meant to be."
That just drives me crazy.
If you haven't seen Inception yet, I would advise you to watch that before you read this. There are references to it and I don't want to ruin the movie for you guys- and for real: watch the movie. It's amazing.
I've seen that movie 6 times in the past week; to say that I liked the movie is an understatement.
People drive me crazy sometimes.
Especially when they say something like, "Oh well, it was meant to be."
Why do they say that? Does it make themselves feel better about something that they don't like? Maybe it was even their fault that something happened! But no, they want to blame it on "human nature" or even "life".
Of course.
It's never our fault.
I forgot we don't know how to take blame for things that we mess up on.
(Sometimes I feel as if you would feel as if I am writing at you. I assure you, I am not. Everything I write about, I process and struggle with myself.)
But yeah.
Not my fault I am in a bad mood.
Not my fault things frustrate me.
Did you just cut me off? I'm gonna honk so that you know you just cut me off... (because they didn't know you were there, hopefully, and now they know.. because.. that changes things...?)
We get frustrated so easily, it seems.
We get mad, blame things on others, and suck our thumbs about it.
Whoop-de-do.
Ya just threw a temper tantrum.
Yup.
Now everybody is looking at you like, "What's wrong with that person?"
Good job.
You don't have a heart.
I'm sure you don't mean it to come across that way, but it does from time to time.
But it wasn't our fault. We had a right to get mad.
Really?
How many times have you told yourself that?
"I have a right to be mad at this person because they did this to me."
Are you kidding me?
Wake up, Greg.
You have no right to get mad because something didn't go your way.
Or even messed up your plan.
Or was just unexpected.
Or you just felt like getting mad.
Right.
Let's get back to what I was saying.
"It was meant to be."
Or..
"It wasn't meant to be."
Kinda just feels like an excuse.
A way out of figuring out the real problem.
People seem to have given up their control over their lives.
Greg, I am letting you know now that you have control.
You may not have control over emotion, I'm not sure. There is too much biology in that for me to know. I'm a business major, not science.
But whether or not you have control over your emotion, you do have control over your actions.
You even have control over how you choose to percieve.
(Here comes the Inception reference. For those of you who haven't seen it, I'm giving you one last chance to look away.)
The top doesn't stop.
The film just stops without you letting you see the end of the top spinning.
Does it keep spinning?
Does it topple?
I don't think it is a question.
The director, Christopher Nolan, is trying to get across a point, a point that I think most people have yet to see.
It's not a question.
It's a choice.
How do you want to choose to view reality?
You have options.
You have choices.
You are in control.
Do you understand it now?
It's not a question of how things play out.
It's not an answer of the easiest explanation.
It's about you having control over your life.
You have been empowered.
God has given you a special gift- a gift He has only given you.
Have you used it?
Have you even tried to find out what it is?
Or are you just letting life go on auto-pilot, letting it find you in 40 years?
You. Have. Control.
Don't forget that.
12.20.2010
12.05.2010
Insight into Thoughts
My Relevant Paradigm
I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how to write this paper. It seems I have to reach down deep inside myself and pull out words- words that describe me in a way that I have never thought before. I’m writing this paper in dialogue format; a simple letter from me to you (whoever you may be). The grammar may not be the greatest. The form won’t be perfect. What I can tell you is this: the passion behind this paper will be among the most forceful I have ever written. This will not be a close-ended paper. I will not wrap a gift and hand it to you, even if it is nearing Christmas. Instead, I will pose questions; questions that may or may not be answered. I will throw a common conception and turn it around. Of course, none of this can be done without background information. “The past”, as Wendell Berry states it, “is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”
I’ve grown up in the same community my entire life. I’ve had the same group of friends and my family has been a functional family, as some would call it. There hasn’t been too much strife. There was one time when I was diagnosed with a tennis-ball sized brain tumor, but again, the same friends were there; the same family. I wonder what it would have been like if they had changed from time to time. As I see this same group of friends, though, I see multiple sets of personalities and dozens of different lifestyles. I’ve grown up in the same church since birth. Dr. Reed, the former pastor of my church and president of my university, dedicated me. He asked the entire congregation if they would help in raising me along with my two wonderful parents. They agreed. Most people my age, I would guess, have a mindset that the older generations are not relevant to their generation; I would stand on the entire opposite side of that statement. Without knowing and understanding those who have come before us, how can we define ourselves? We only know how to create fire because cavemen, thousands of years ago, took a risk and tried something new. My church has definitely been that caveman for me; being a part of something as large as my church is a wonderful feeling, whether it is through heartbreak or triumph. We’ve tried new things; they haven’t always worked out, but we care enough about each other to keep trying new things.
I cannot describe how much my parents mean to me. This sounds entirely too cliché, but my parents are some of my greatest role models. My mom has taught me what it means to take charge and hold of a situation. She has also taught me a little of what love means; most of that cannot be put into words. My dad has taught me that the right way isn’t always the way that seems most obvious. I think a lot of my ‘strategery’ comes from him; such as the chess games we used to play when I was a kid, the business ideas we would create as I got older, and simply tackling life’s obstacles together.
Tom Middendorf is yet another example of leadership that was, is, and hopefully will forever be in my life (and no, this is not a plug for extra credit in the paper… although if you wanted to, it wouldn’t be unreasonable). If there is any one person I have processed life with the most, it would be him without a doubt. Life isn’t always easy- everyone has taught me that, but Tom has taught me beyond that. He’s taken the time to clear up misunderstanding and the general confusion of life in itself. What is it, though, that makes him create such an impact on me? He has become engrossed in my generation, showing us that he actually cares for us. He understands that I’m not perfect and still has a willingness to learn about me.
Leadership is nothing but a word; the Y Generation (1984-2002) seems to think that, at least. We’ve taken the people that have been placed in positions of power and called them leaders; and part of me wants to agree. They are the people with the most influence. I don’t think Tom and I will ever agree on the fact that leadership is entirely dependent on influence. A paradigm is a model; a leader is someone who guides, directs, and influences outcomes. I think the question we must ask ourselves is this: what makes a true, right leader? The problem: the definition of right and wrong seem to be different for everyone. Of course, if truth is fact, we must hunt for truth to find out what is right and what is wrong. If someone could answer the question “What is truth?” for me, I would be forever grateful. Experiences and influences seem to shape this understanding of right and wrong for us, and I hate that. Do the rules of life really come down to a simple, yet perplexing, change in perception?
I’ve compiled a list of five qualities that I think a leader should have. It is immeasurably hard to define a leader in five qualities. The list could go on and on with them, many of which that fit perfectly with the culture. Of course, the five that I have chosen go beyond the culture, and could very well stand the test of time.
Leaders must be able to understand in order to lead effectively. This one was almost obvious to me; it is hard to lead people you do not understand. It is like me trying to tell my grandparents how to use a computer. Our thought processes and language are entirely different, and if we don’t understand how to communicate with one another, there is no point in even trying to teach them how to use what I have grown up with. I can change the font on a paper in less than five seconds, while they can change the font on a paper… well, I am not entirely sure that they can. It turns into a hodgepodge of meaningless words if I do not understand how to communicate and lead them.
How can you understand someone different from you if you don’t have the willingness to learn? It’s a guaranteed fact that people will be different from you- from culture to culture, generation to generation, and person to person it will always be different. If you don’t have the open-mindedness to accept the fact that someone is different from you, and you must learn about them to be able to direct them into where they need to go, then you will never be able to be an effective leader. I’m eating these words as I type them. Is it not possible for someone to simply set an example and for people to follow, regardless of an understanding of each other? Of course it’s possible, but it changes the entire definition of leadership. It takes the focus away from the leader and puts it on the followers. I would venture to say that understanding is not necessary for leadership, but it does add a certain level of knowledge and would enhance the effectiveness of it.
I don’t know if the next three qualities mean anything now that the focus is taken away from the leaders. This list of qualities has changed at least half-a-dozen times since the beginning. The third quality I picked was negotiation. Both a leader and their followers must be willing to negotiate with one another. Negotiation makes you vulnerable; it forces you to change what you desire- that thing deep inside of you telling you that something should be done in a certain way. Problems are solved most effectively when all sides are taken into account. The ‘almost-final’ quality I chose was passion. Passion is that emotion inside you that drives you to action. We all know that a forest cannot be cut down unless you actually get up and cut it. Objectives cannot be completed with just thoughts; there must be something within you that moves you to action into your desires. This passion can be both good and bad; it just depends on where it is directed.
This leads into my final quality that not only transcends time and culture, but leadership as well. The final quality is that quality of (*insert drum-roll) love. What is love? I could write pages upon pages about this quality called love. Is it a quality, though? Maybe the quality should be defined as the ability and willingness to love, since love is an action and not an emotion or anything of the like. I think love is quite a general word and all of the qualities I’ve listed and many more could also be described as a sub-sect of what love is. People make mistakes; you must understand this in order to keep yourself from getting angry every day of your life. I’ve recently had someone whom I thought I understood tell lies to me. However much this angers me, I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to handle the situation. He lied to me about everything, so what am I supposed to do? Am I to love him ‘like Christ would have done’? Are you kidding me?! Romans 13:8 says, “Owe nothing to anyone- except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.” Wow. What a powerful verse, and a verse I struggle with constantly. I’m slowly figuring out that nobody will get anywhere if everyone is mad at everybody all the time. But still- he lied to me; to my face! Not only did he lie to me, but he lied to me and my friends. How do I treat him now? I don’t want to talk to him. My mind tells me that he can go find a new set of friends, maybe friends that will understand him or even friends that he will open up to. My heart tells me to reach out to him and be that friend that nobody else will- to love him. John Maxwell states in his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, that you must touch a heart before you touch a hand. Maybe I can help him out. Maybe he doesn’t want the help, though. Of course, that shouldn’t stop me from trying to be who I am supposed to be. Why is it that who you are is sometimes not who you are supposed to be? If you’re finding this is the case, you need to sit down and reevaluate. And let it be known- it isn’t a fun thing.
Of course, after listing these five qualities, my entire view of leadership just changed. Leadership is not power. It isn’t position. It’s not achievement, influence, or anything of the like. Leadership is somewhat of a relationship. Leaders are nothing without their followers, and just the same, followers can be nothing without a leader. There must be a focus on each to understand leadership. I think it should be called something other than ‘leadership’, because it is a word that doesn’t seem to fit in the followers. I think that leadership must be defined as a relationship. There are aspects of leadership that both the leader and the follower must bring to the table; it’s a two way street. I can’t make a difference in the world and have influence if nobody will follow me. As I stated above, loving them will help this. People do not understand love; it is something that isn’t supposed to make sense in your mind. Love touches people’s hearts, and with that, leading becomes much easier. This is probably why Jesus was the leader of all leaders; He understood the way things were supposed to be. That isn’t saying that He didn’t struggle with the right thing to do. If He didn’t struggle, then was he truly and fully human? He touched people’s hearts by doing the things that were unexpected of logic and from there had the biggest leading any single person has ever had.
Being a Christian, relationships are seen differently by me than the world sees them. My faith in Christ plays an extremely important part in my life. Faith makes my quality of understanding obsolete. Maybe they are used in different contexts, maybe not. Why is faith and understanding important to leadership? They don’t seem to go hand in hand. Maybe faith can be used in the risky side of leadership. But if you fully understand something, what is the point of faith? Is it faith in God, but understanding in people? I’m pretty sure God created people, and they will never be fully understood; there must be some sort of faith to it.
At the Catalyst Conference 2010, Bishop T.D. Jakes told me something that has stuck with me since. “You can’t play it safe and be a leader.” I’m working on doing that. I have the faith to take educated guesses (risks) and help guide people for a common goal; even if they don’t all agree entirely. Sometimes it’s risky just being in the position of the leader. Let’s take George Bush as an example: he had some things happen in his presidency that weren’t his fault- to blame him for everything is a fool’s idea. As a follower, the trust in the leader is immense, but you must also be willing to accept that people are not perfect. We aren’t robots. We move sometimes by emotion and other times by thought. Often times these get confused and we have miscommunications and mess up. It’s hard to enough understand yourself and how these two separate entities work; but it makes it a trillion times harder when you try and understand the people in your community. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes love. Love is not safe. Showing love is not comfortable, but there is no way to fully understand how to be loved if you cannot first learn how to love yourself.
How do we accept failure like that, though? Is it an acceptance of failure? Tolerance of failure will soon work its way into the system, it seems. Can you love without acceptance of failure? It’s almost like leadership and love are on opposite ends of the spectrum on this issue. On one side, you love people and accept fault. On the other side, you lead to become effective and impactful. How can you impact in a positive way if you are a failure, or accept those who are? There are two arguments going on in this paper, it seems. One, faith and understanding, and the other, leadership and failure, seem to just rip apart some of the common conceptions of today. Why is being a leader so complicated? Why is loving so complicated? Are we called to be both? Wasn’t Jesus both? Maybe love is not necessarily the acceptance of failure, but the fact that failure is inevitable (for we are a fallen people); so how does one avoid it best?
I feel as if saying the way to right leadership is love seems extremely cliché. It just sounds like the ‘Sunday school answer’ to a problem. I know that, in depth, love is not cliché. But how do I take this ‘Sunday school answer’ and turn it into something radical and unique? Maybe I should start living it out. How often does one see that? That is one of the hardest quests anyone could live for; maybe that’s why God gave us reason and purpose to live. It’s funny that love and live are only one letter apart; maybe they’re roots of the same word in Greek or Hebrew or Latin or some other old-language that my ancestors have spoken.
I wish I could type out my leadership paradigm in a nice little gift box, but as I said in the first paragraph, I’m not going to do that. My leadership paradigm will be entirely different a year from now than it is today. That’s how I work though; I don’t put a cap on my level of knowledge. Right now, I could list some things about my leadership style: I am strategic, I know how to communicate with people, I have a small level of understanding, I don’t have too much patience, I’m willing to negotiate, etc. That’s easy. Anyone can sit down and write about themselves at a certain point in time; it’s thinking about yourself in a way that will improve things such as your effectiveness, the image you have of yourself and image that others view you as, your power of influence, your ability and willingness to love, and consistency of all things listed here, plus many other things.
I’m not sure if I want to write a closing paragraph on this paper or not. It seems that if I stopped thinking about these things, or even made it sound such, then this paper would be entirely useless. The concepts which I’ve talked about in this essay have reached levels of thinking that I’m not entirely sure I like. I feel like this was a counseling session that gave me tons of thoughts but no answers. I’m willing to accept that, though, due to the fact that if I am persistent on trying to find answers, I will eventually get some; maybe not all, but some. Now I just need to find some people like Tom Middendorf to keep me accountable; I hear he’s pretty good at that. Until then, as REO Speedwagon sings, I’ve gotta roll with the changes and keep pushin’.
And when we think we lead, we are most led. ~Lord Byron
I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how to write this paper. It seems I have to reach down deep inside myself and pull out words- words that describe me in a way that I have never thought before. I’m writing this paper in dialogue format; a simple letter from me to you (whoever you may be). The grammar may not be the greatest. The form won’t be perfect. What I can tell you is this: the passion behind this paper will be among the most forceful I have ever written. This will not be a close-ended paper. I will not wrap a gift and hand it to you, even if it is nearing Christmas. Instead, I will pose questions; questions that may or may not be answered. I will throw a common conception and turn it around. Of course, none of this can be done without background information. “The past”, as Wendell Berry states it, “is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”
I’ve grown up in the same community my entire life. I’ve had the same group of friends and my family has been a functional family, as some would call it. There hasn’t been too much strife. There was one time when I was diagnosed with a tennis-ball sized brain tumor, but again, the same friends were there; the same family. I wonder what it would have been like if they had changed from time to time. As I see this same group of friends, though, I see multiple sets of personalities and dozens of different lifestyles. I’ve grown up in the same church since birth. Dr. Reed, the former pastor of my church and president of my university, dedicated me. He asked the entire congregation if they would help in raising me along with my two wonderful parents. They agreed. Most people my age, I would guess, have a mindset that the older generations are not relevant to their generation; I would stand on the entire opposite side of that statement. Without knowing and understanding those who have come before us, how can we define ourselves? We only know how to create fire because cavemen, thousands of years ago, took a risk and tried something new. My church has definitely been that caveman for me; being a part of something as large as my church is a wonderful feeling, whether it is through heartbreak or triumph. We’ve tried new things; they haven’t always worked out, but we care enough about each other to keep trying new things.
I cannot describe how much my parents mean to me. This sounds entirely too cliché, but my parents are some of my greatest role models. My mom has taught me what it means to take charge and hold of a situation. She has also taught me a little of what love means; most of that cannot be put into words. My dad has taught me that the right way isn’t always the way that seems most obvious. I think a lot of my ‘strategery’ comes from him; such as the chess games we used to play when I was a kid, the business ideas we would create as I got older, and simply tackling life’s obstacles together.
Tom Middendorf is yet another example of leadership that was, is, and hopefully will forever be in my life (and no, this is not a plug for extra credit in the paper… although if you wanted to, it wouldn’t be unreasonable). If there is any one person I have processed life with the most, it would be him without a doubt. Life isn’t always easy- everyone has taught me that, but Tom has taught me beyond that. He’s taken the time to clear up misunderstanding and the general confusion of life in itself. What is it, though, that makes him create such an impact on me? He has become engrossed in my generation, showing us that he actually cares for us. He understands that I’m not perfect and still has a willingness to learn about me.
Leadership is nothing but a word; the Y Generation (1984-2002) seems to think that, at least. We’ve taken the people that have been placed in positions of power and called them leaders; and part of me wants to agree. They are the people with the most influence. I don’t think Tom and I will ever agree on the fact that leadership is entirely dependent on influence. A paradigm is a model; a leader is someone who guides, directs, and influences outcomes. I think the question we must ask ourselves is this: what makes a true, right leader? The problem: the definition of right and wrong seem to be different for everyone. Of course, if truth is fact, we must hunt for truth to find out what is right and what is wrong. If someone could answer the question “What is truth?” for me, I would be forever grateful. Experiences and influences seem to shape this understanding of right and wrong for us, and I hate that. Do the rules of life really come down to a simple, yet perplexing, change in perception?
I’ve compiled a list of five qualities that I think a leader should have. It is immeasurably hard to define a leader in five qualities. The list could go on and on with them, many of which that fit perfectly with the culture. Of course, the five that I have chosen go beyond the culture, and could very well stand the test of time.
Leaders must be able to understand in order to lead effectively. This one was almost obvious to me; it is hard to lead people you do not understand. It is like me trying to tell my grandparents how to use a computer. Our thought processes and language are entirely different, and if we don’t understand how to communicate with one another, there is no point in even trying to teach them how to use what I have grown up with. I can change the font on a paper in less than five seconds, while they can change the font on a paper… well, I am not entirely sure that they can. It turns into a hodgepodge of meaningless words if I do not understand how to communicate and lead them.
How can you understand someone different from you if you don’t have the willingness to learn? It’s a guaranteed fact that people will be different from you- from culture to culture, generation to generation, and person to person it will always be different. If you don’t have the open-mindedness to accept the fact that someone is different from you, and you must learn about them to be able to direct them into where they need to go, then you will never be able to be an effective leader. I’m eating these words as I type them. Is it not possible for someone to simply set an example and for people to follow, regardless of an understanding of each other? Of course it’s possible, but it changes the entire definition of leadership. It takes the focus away from the leader and puts it on the followers. I would venture to say that understanding is not necessary for leadership, but it does add a certain level of knowledge and would enhance the effectiveness of it.
I don’t know if the next three qualities mean anything now that the focus is taken away from the leaders. This list of qualities has changed at least half-a-dozen times since the beginning. The third quality I picked was negotiation. Both a leader and their followers must be willing to negotiate with one another. Negotiation makes you vulnerable; it forces you to change what you desire- that thing deep inside of you telling you that something should be done in a certain way. Problems are solved most effectively when all sides are taken into account. The ‘almost-final’ quality I chose was passion. Passion is that emotion inside you that drives you to action. We all know that a forest cannot be cut down unless you actually get up and cut it. Objectives cannot be completed with just thoughts; there must be something within you that moves you to action into your desires. This passion can be both good and bad; it just depends on where it is directed.
This leads into my final quality that not only transcends time and culture, but leadership as well. The final quality is that quality of (*insert drum-roll) love. What is love? I could write pages upon pages about this quality called love. Is it a quality, though? Maybe the quality should be defined as the ability and willingness to love, since love is an action and not an emotion or anything of the like. I think love is quite a general word and all of the qualities I’ve listed and many more could also be described as a sub-sect of what love is. People make mistakes; you must understand this in order to keep yourself from getting angry every day of your life. I’ve recently had someone whom I thought I understood tell lies to me. However much this angers me, I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to handle the situation. He lied to me about everything, so what am I supposed to do? Am I to love him ‘like Christ would have done’? Are you kidding me?! Romans 13:8 says, “Owe nothing to anyone- except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.” Wow. What a powerful verse, and a verse I struggle with constantly. I’m slowly figuring out that nobody will get anywhere if everyone is mad at everybody all the time. But still- he lied to me; to my face! Not only did he lie to me, but he lied to me and my friends. How do I treat him now? I don’t want to talk to him. My mind tells me that he can go find a new set of friends, maybe friends that will understand him or even friends that he will open up to. My heart tells me to reach out to him and be that friend that nobody else will- to love him. John Maxwell states in his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, that you must touch a heart before you touch a hand. Maybe I can help him out. Maybe he doesn’t want the help, though. Of course, that shouldn’t stop me from trying to be who I am supposed to be. Why is it that who you are is sometimes not who you are supposed to be? If you’re finding this is the case, you need to sit down and reevaluate. And let it be known- it isn’t a fun thing.
Of course, after listing these five qualities, my entire view of leadership just changed. Leadership is not power. It isn’t position. It’s not achievement, influence, or anything of the like. Leadership is somewhat of a relationship. Leaders are nothing without their followers, and just the same, followers can be nothing without a leader. There must be a focus on each to understand leadership. I think it should be called something other than ‘leadership’, because it is a word that doesn’t seem to fit in the followers. I think that leadership must be defined as a relationship. There are aspects of leadership that both the leader and the follower must bring to the table; it’s a two way street. I can’t make a difference in the world and have influence if nobody will follow me. As I stated above, loving them will help this. People do not understand love; it is something that isn’t supposed to make sense in your mind. Love touches people’s hearts, and with that, leading becomes much easier. This is probably why Jesus was the leader of all leaders; He understood the way things were supposed to be. That isn’t saying that He didn’t struggle with the right thing to do. If He didn’t struggle, then was he truly and fully human? He touched people’s hearts by doing the things that were unexpected of logic and from there had the biggest leading any single person has ever had.
Being a Christian, relationships are seen differently by me than the world sees them. My faith in Christ plays an extremely important part in my life. Faith makes my quality of understanding obsolete. Maybe they are used in different contexts, maybe not. Why is faith and understanding important to leadership? They don’t seem to go hand in hand. Maybe faith can be used in the risky side of leadership. But if you fully understand something, what is the point of faith? Is it faith in God, but understanding in people? I’m pretty sure God created people, and they will never be fully understood; there must be some sort of faith to it.
At the Catalyst Conference 2010, Bishop T.D. Jakes told me something that has stuck with me since. “You can’t play it safe and be a leader.” I’m working on doing that. I have the faith to take educated guesses (risks) and help guide people for a common goal; even if they don’t all agree entirely. Sometimes it’s risky just being in the position of the leader. Let’s take George Bush as an example: he had some things happen in his presidency that weren’t his fault- to blame him for everything is a fool’s idea. As a follower, the trust in the leader is immense, but you must also be willing to accept that people are not perfect. We aren’t robots. We move sometimes by emotion and other times by thought. Often times these get confused and we have miscommunications and mess up. It’s hard to enough understand yourself and how these two separate entities work; but it makes it a trillion times harder when you try and understand the people in your community. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes love. Love is not safe. Showing love is not comfortable, but there is no way to fully understand how to be loved if you cannot first learn how to love yourself.
How do we accept failure like that, though? Is it an acceptance of failure? Tolerance of failure will soon work its way into the system, it seems. Can you love without acceptance of failure? It’s almost like leadership and love are on opposite ends of the spectrum on this issue. On one side, you love people and accept fault. On the other side, you lead to become effective and impactful. How can you impact in a positive way if you are a failure, or accept those who are? There are two arguments going on in this paper, it seems. One, faith and understanding, and the other, leadership and failure, seem to just rip apart some of the common conceptions of today. Why is being a leader so complicated? Why is loving so complicated? Are we called to be both? Wasn’t Jesus both? Maybe love is not necessarily the acceptance of failure, but the fact that failure is inevitable (for we are a fallen people); so how does one avoid it best?
I feel as if saying the way to right leadership is love seems extremely cliché. It just sounds like the ‘Sunday school answer’ to a problem. I know that, in depth, love is not cliché. But how do I take this ‘Sunday school answer’ and turn it into something radical and unique? Maybe I should start living it out. How often does one see that? That is one of the hardest quests anyone could live for; maybe that’s why God gave us reason and purpose to live. It’s funny that love and live are only one letter apart; maybe they’re roots of the same word in Greek or Hebrew or Latin or some other old-language that my ancestors have spoken.
I wish I could type out my leadership paradigm in a nice little gift box, but as I said in the first paragraph, I’m not going to do that. My leadership paradigm will be entirely different a year from now than it is today. That’s how I work though; I don’t put a cap on my level of knowledge. Right now, I could list some things about my leadership style: I am strategic, I know how to communicate with people, I have a small level of understanding, I don’t have too much patience, I’m willing to negotiate, etc. That’s easy. Anyone can sit down and write about themselves at a certain point in time; it’s thinking about yourself in a way that will improve things such as your effectiveness, the image you have of yourself and image that others view you as, your power of influence, your ability and willingness to love, and consistency of all things listed here, plus many other things.
I’m not sure if I want to write a closing paragraph on this paper or not. It seems that if I stopped thinking about these things, or even made it sound such, then this paper would be entirely useless. The concepts which I’ve talked about in this essay have reached levels of thinking that I’m not entirely sure I like. I feel like this was a counseling session that gave me tons of thoughts but no answers. I’m willing to accept that, though, due to the fact that if I am persistent on trying to find answers, I will eventually get some; maybe not all, but some. Now I just need to find some people like Tom Middendorf to keep me accountable; I hear he’s pretty good at that. Until then, as REO Speedwagon sings, I’ve gotta roll with the changes and keep pushin’.
And when we think we lead, we are most led. ~Lord Byron
10.11.2010
"That Ain't Love"
So, in Francis Chan's book "Crazy Love", he does something totally cool that I'd like you to see as well.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Replace the words 'love' and 'it' with God.
Isn't that cool? :)
I love it!
Now replace those words with your name.
Don't you feel like a liar?
I did.
Isn't it sad that our (humanity's) whole view of love is so skewed that when we read a verse in the bible that embodies love, we don't match up with it? Doesn't God command us to?
Romans 13:8
8 Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.
I'm thinking I need a change in my life.
Or I need my life to change.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Replace the words 'love' and 'it' with God.
Isn't that cool? :)
I love it!
Now replace those words with your name.
Don't you feel like a liar?
I did.
Isn't it sad that our (humanity's) whole view of love is so skewed that when we read a verse in the bible that embodies love, we don't match up with it? Doesn't God command us to?
Romans 13:8
8 Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.
I'm thinking I need a change in my life.
Or I need my life to change.
9.12.2010
I'm Home, Dad
Man.. the thoughts tonight are going wild! It all started a few days ago when my professor told me a new perception he'd had when he read the story about the prodigal son. We've all heard the story; kid says he wants his inheritance. he takes it, he runs with it, he uses it, and he ends up in quite a precarious position. He ends up with nothing left. In fact, he's been feeding the pigs and finds the pig food to look good because he is so hungry. In that day and time, according to Leviticus and Deuteronomy, pigs were unclean animals. They couldn't be eaten (woo.. I'd miss the bacon!), nor could they be used for sacrifice. Jews wouldn't touch them (to protect themselves from defilement). For a Jew to stoop to feeding pigs created an extreme amount of humiliation! What was this kid to do, though? He had taken what had been freely given of him in his arrogance, and he had spent it blindly.
Let's back up a bit. This story is found in Luke 15. There are 2 other stories in that chapter that I'd like to highlight; the parable of the lost sheep, and the parable of the lost coin. In the parable of the lost sheep, a man has 100 sheep but one gets lost. He leaves the 99 others to go find that 1 sheep that has wandered off. Why? Maybe because he knows the other 99 are safer together than the 1 that is lost. Maybe because the 1 is worth looking for; it has value. Regardless, this is what the shepherd does; he goes out and finds that 1 sheep and returns to the 99 that have been safe together and he calls together his friends and rejoices with his friends that he has found his one lost sheep! In the same sense, the lady who lost her coin did the same thing; she was given 10 coins and she lost it. She swept the entire house and searched, carefully, until she found that one silver coin.
One lost sheep.
One silver coin.
One prodigal son.
It doesn't match up, does it? You've got these two stories about these people who lost something valuable; and then you've got this random story about a man who's son took part of his value away from him! What in the world?! Well the son finally decides to go home- he realizes that he can make a better living if he lives as a servant for his father. So while I was reading, a certain verse popped out at me (as I was reading chapter 15 for the 5th time today). Luke 15:20a, "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming."
Did you guys catch that? He returned home to his father... and while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming.
What?!
Sounds to me like his father was looking for him.
Wait?
Again.
This world doesn't make sense!
The father then proceeds to welcome this son that had left, taking his inheritance (only to spend it all), and ended up a hobo. Not only did he welcome him with open arms, but he had his servant bring the finest robe in the house to him, and even killed the fattest calf so that they could have a grand feast that this son, this son that left with the inheritance (only to spend it all), had finally returned home.
Home.
The older brother of this son who left home and took his inheritance (only to spend it all) is angry. Ya know, I'd be the exact same way. I stayed with my father and did what he asked and never took anything from him.. and yet this kid, my kid brother, is the center of a celebration.
What the crap?!
I'd be mad.
Just sayin'.
When the older brother asks his father why this his happening, his father simply says to him, "Look, my son, you have stayed by me and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. Your brother was dead and has come back to life. He was lost, but now he is found!"
The two responses are in contrast; the son, who is extremely angry about the situation- and the father, who is overjoyed at the events of the day! The father forgave because he was full of love.
Love.
The son refused to forgive because he was bitter; because he was angry. I don't blame him- I would have been too! But his resentment rendered him just as lost to the father's love as his younger brother had been.
Isn't that a wonderful feeling; that, just like in all three of these parables, Jesus is always looking for us? That, even when we do wrong, the love won't stop.
And it's not that it won't stop- but it won't decrease either.
The father had love, and the father forgave.
Don't let anything keep you from forgiving others. If you are refusing to forgive people, you are missing a wonderful opportunity to experience joy and share it.
Make your joy grow.
Forgive someone who has hurt you.
Love.
Let's back up a bit. This story is found in Luke 15. There are 2 other stories in that chapter that I'd like to highlight; the parable of the lost sheep, and the parable of the lost coin. In the parable of the lost sheep, a man has 100 sheep but one gets lost. He leaves the 99 others to go find that 1 sheep that has wandered off. Why? Maybe because he knows the other 99 are safer together than the 1 that is lost. Maybe because the 1 is worth looking for; it has value. Regardless, this is what the shepherd does; he goes out and finds that 1 sheep and returns to the 99 that have been safe together and he calls together his friends and rejoices with his friends that he has found his one lost sheep! In the same sense, the lady who lost her coin did the same thing; she was given 10 coins and she lost it. She swept the entire house and searched, carefully, until she found that one silver coin.
One lost sheep.
One silver coin.
It doesn't match up, does it? You've got these two stories about these people who lost something valuable; and then you've got this random story about a man who's son took part of his value away from him! What in the world?! Well the son finally decides to go home- he realizes that he can make a better living if he lives as a servant for his father. So while I was reading, a certain verse popped out at me (as I was reading chapter 15 for the 5th time today). Luke 15:20a, "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming."
Did you guys catch that? He returned home to his father... and while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming.
What?!
Sounds to me like his father was looking for him.
Wait?
Again.
This world doesn't make sense!
The father then proceeds to welcome this son that had left, taking his inheritance (only to spend it all), and ended up a hobo. Not only did he welcome him with open arms, but he had his servant bring the finest robe in the house to him, and even killed the fattest calf so that they could have a grand feast that this son, this son that left with the inheritance (only to spend it all), had finally returned home.
Home.
The older brother of this son who left home and took his inheritance (only to spend it all) is angry. Ya know, I'd be the exact same way. I stayed with my father and did what he asked and never took anything from him.. and yet this kid, my kid brother, is the center of a celebration.
What the crap?!
I'd be mad.
Just sayin'.
When the older brother asks his father why this his happening, his father simply says to him, "Look, my son, you have stayed by me and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. Your brother was dead and has come back to life. He was lost, but now he is found!"
The two responses are in contrast; the son, who is extremely angry about the situation- and the father, who is overjoyed at the events of the day! The father forgave because he was full of love.
Love.
The son refused to forgive because he was bitter; because he was angry. I don't blame him- I would have been too! But his resentment rendered him just as lost to the father's love as his younger brother had been.
Isn't that a wonderful feeling; that, just like in all three of these parables, Jesus is always looking for us? That, even when we do wrong, the love won't stop.
And it's not that it won't stop- but it won't decrease either.
The father had love, and the father forgave.
Don't let anything keep you from forgiving others. If you are refusing to forgive people, you are missing a wonderful opportunity to experience joy and share it.
Make your joy grow.
Forgive someone who has hurt you.
Love.
7.20.2010
A Quote by Victor Frankle
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." ~Viktor E. Frankle
I love this quote. I showed it to a friend and she pointed out to me that it's also pretty awesome if you replace the word 'life' with the 'God'. Pretty fantastic. Thanks, Jamie:)
I love this quote. I showed it to a friend and she pointed out to me that it's also pretty awesome if you replace the word 'life' with the 'God'. Pretty fantastic. Thanks, Jamie:)
Freedom of Religion...?
been thinking a lot about the Freedom of Religion.
Is it good? bad?
What has it done to our culture?
What do you think it's intended purpose was to be?
I mean, in the 1st Amendment, it says that Congress would make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercize thereof.
Has it essentially created an attitude that "oh, well you have your religion, and I have mine, and we're both right."
I love the choice it provides though. God gave us one thing nobody can take away from us- the freedom of choice, the freedom to have your own attitude though.
So it's not an entirely bad thing! But it's also made us comfortable- it's allowed us to tolerate other religions that, whether we think are right or wrong, we're okay with. Like John writes in Revelation 2:14-16 to the church in Pergamum, "But I have a few complaints against you. You tolerate some among you whose teaching is like that of Balaam, who showed Balak how to trip up the people of Israel. He taught them to sin by eating food offered to idols and by committing sexual sin. In a similar way, you have some Nicolaitans among you who follow the same teaching. Repent of your sin, or I will come to you suddenly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth." God commends the church for being loyal to him, but He is rebuking them for allowing compromise in the land. We allow the compromise, and we become comfortable.
It's a scary thing.
Do we define our culture, or is our culture starting to define us?
Before writing this I had a problem with putting up a government document and having it go 'head-to-head' with the Bible.. but isn't that what God challenges us to do?
I'm not saying there is no room for differences between humans / Christians, but there is a line that we must not cross; immorality, stealing, lying, etc. Now we have to find the line- and it seems to be different for all of us, but studying the Bible should make it clear[er]. Everyone has different qualities: some like to lead, some like to follow- either way, we're a complicated people.
Essentially, we cannot tolerate sin be bowing to the pressure to be open-minded.
Freedom, it seems, could be a very dangerous concept.
This country was founded on freedom.
Freedom gives us a lot of great opportunities, yes, but it makes it easier. We've become soft, almost.
Paul wasn't free. Paul was in chains.. and you know what he did? He still lived for Christ. It doesn't matter how free you are or how [literally] dangerous it may be, but we've been given one life and been placed in life in the spot that we can make the most impact.
My thoughts return to one of the most impactful songs on my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsQD7rSTnxM
This post, hopefully, will start a discussion between believers and non-believers alike. Discussion leads to understanding, and for those of you who know me well know I long for understanding.
If all this post did was make you think, my job is done.
So please.... thoughts???
Is it good? bad?
What has it done to our culture?
What do you think it's intended purpose was to be?
I mean, in the 1st Amendment, it says that Congress would make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercize thereof.
Has it essentially created an attitude that "oh, well you have your religion, and I have mine, and we're both right."
I love the choice it provides though. God gave us one thing nobody can take away from us- the freedom of choice, the freedom to have your own attitude though.
So it's not an entirely bad thing! But it's also made us comfortable- it's allowed us to tolerate other religions that, whether we think are right or wrong, we're okay with. Like John writes in Revelation 2:14-16 to the church in Pergamum, "But I have a few complaints against you. You tolerate some among you whose teaching is like that of Balaam, who showed Balak how to trip up the people of Israel. He taught them to sin by eating food offered to idols and by committing sexual sin. In a similar way, you have some Nicolaitans among you who follow the same teaching. Repent of your sin, or I will come to you suddenly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth." God commends the church for being loyal to him, but He is rebuking them for allowing compromise in the land. We allow the compromise, and we become comfortable.
It's a scary thing.
Do we define our culture, or is our culture starting to define us?
Before writing this I had a problem with putting up a government document and having it go 'head-to-head' with the Bible.. but isn't that what God challenges us to do?
I'm not saying there is no room for differences between humans / Christians, but there is a line that we must not cross; immorality, stealing, lying, etc. Now we have to find the line- and it seems to be different for all of us, but studying the Bible should make it clear[er]. Everyone has different qualities: some like to lead, some like to follow- either way, we're a complicated people.
Essentially, we cannot tolerate sin be bowing to the pressure to be open-minded.
Freedom, it seems, could be a very dangerous concept.
This country was founded on freedom.
Freedom gives us a lot of great opportunities, yes, but it makes it easier. We've become soft, almost.
Paul wasn't free. Paul was in chains.. and you know what he did? He still lived for Christ. It doesn't matter how free you are or how [literally] dangerous it may be, but we've been given one life and been placed in life in the spot that we can make the most impact.
My thoughts return to one of the most impactful songs on my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsQD7rSTnxM
This post, hopefully, will start a discussion between believers and non-believers alike. Discussion leads to understanding, and for those of you who know me well know I long for understanding.
If all this post did was make you think, my job is done.
So please.... thoughts???
7.19.2010
A Beautiful Feeling: Part 1 of 2
I've had a lot of thinking to do lately. Life was getting me down... drama with friends, stress from school, monotony of work, etc. Then my life changed through two tragic events, neither of which happened to me.
I was at work and Wilma (a great friend at work) told me about a customer whom she had come through the line. This customer had just found out she had cancer of the lymph nodes.. and admitted she had not cried yet. How can someone that just found out that they had terminal cancer, cancer throughout their body, not be sad about it? I couldn't imagine it.
Another friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who also had something, seemingly terrible, happen to them. This friend's brother was married last week, and had a daughter. He, the brother, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He went into surgery; he never woke up. My heart broke when I heard about this, and many of you know why that would be.
All of a sudden, I find myself angry at my predicament, and almost angry at God. The life of a newlywed and a father was just taken away, and I'm sitting here complaining about how my life is getting me down? A lady who just found out she has cancer of the lymph nodes hasn't cried about it? Doesn't make sense! As I'm sitting in my room, thinking about both of these instances, I start to feel an emotion other than heartbreak that I did not expect to feel. Jealousy. This brother is now alive in Christ. He's in heaven. This lady is not far from it, and she realilzes it. Both of these people are about to have lives that are fully perfect; while I'm stuck here on Earth. How could one not be jealous of that?
I was talking to a friend and she suggested I read some of what Paul tells us in Philippians. As I was reading, I came upon a verse that says it perfectly. Philippians 1:15-18, "It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice."
Bam!! Can you read that again for me? Read it out loud. Make sure you understand what he's saying there! It doesn't matter if you are 'in chains' or not, or even if you are in an insincere state of mind- the important thing is that Christ is preached.
And suddenly, I realize that I'm here for a reason. I may have to suffer for that reason, but I have a job to do, and do that job I must. I realize my jealousy is extremely selfish- and I can feel Satan recoiling at the thought of me admitting my fault. :)
That, in itself, is a beautiful feeling.
I was at work and Wilma (a great friend at work) told me about a customer whom she had come through the line. This customer had just found out she had cancer of the lymph nodes.. and admitted she had not cried yet. How can someone that just found out that they had terminal cancer, cancer throughout their body, not be sad about it? I couldn't imagine it.
Another friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who also had something, seemingly terrible, happen to them. This friend's brother was married last week, and had a daughter. He, the brother, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He went into surgery; he never woke up. My heart broke when I heard about this, and many of you know why that would be.
All of a sudden, I find myself angry at my predicament, and almost angry at God. The life of a newlywed and a father was just taken away, and I'm sitting here complaining about how my life is getting me down? A lady who just found out she has cancer of the lymph nodes hasn't cried about it? Doesn't make sense! As I'm sitting in my room, thinking about both of these instances, I start to feel an emotion other than heartbreak that I did not expect to feel. Jealousy. This brother is now alive in Christ. He's in heaven. This lady is not far from it, and she realilzes it. Both of these people are about to have lives that are fully perfect; while I'm stuck here on Earth. How could one not be jealous of that?
I was talking to a friend and she suggested I read some of what Paul tells us in Philippians. As I was reading, I came upon a verse that says it perfectly. Philippians 1:15-18, "It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice."
Bam!! Can you read that again for me? Read it out loud. Make sure you understand what he's saying there! It doesn't matter if you are 'in chains' or not, or even if you are in an insincere state of mind- the important thing is that Christ is preached.
And suddenly, I realize that I'm here for a reason. I may have to suffer for that reason, but I have a job to do, and do that job I must. I realize my jealousy is extremely selfish- and I can feel Satan recoiling at the thought of me admitting my fault. :)
That, in itself, is a beautiful feeling.
7.14.2010
Mind is racing, body is exhausted.
My mind is shot. It's going a billion different directions. I just recently broke up with a best friend, and now we're not on speaking terms, and it hurts. It hurts bad still. I tried dating someone else, someone really great, but God kept telling me I needed some time to myself. So I made this pact... to be single for eight months. And some people tonight told me I was crazy for that. Which I understand. Other people have laughed at me and told me I could never do it. They lost some 'cool points', as a good friend says- one, by laughing and underestimating my stubborn mind, and two, by not supporting me in it.
Then I realized, I'm right. I'm totally right. Just not about the whole eight months thing. The people I talked to tonight told me that as long as you're in a healthy relationship, it will be a learning experience. But I'm not taking these eight months to find what I want in a relationship. I'm taking the eight months (or however long it takes, whether it be longer or shorter) to find out who I am and what I want, not from a relationship, but from life and from and in God. So no, I don't think it's stupid to 'kiss dating goodbye' entirely. Now, I'm not saying the people I talked to tonight were wrong. :) They were totally right too. A healthy relationship can lead to learning and growing in Christ.. but I don't think I need a romantic relationship to do that. I need to first grow disciplined with myself and God and my community of faith and God before I grow disciplined with a romantic relationship in God.
I don't know. As I said, my thoughts are going a crazy million different directions at the moment.
Thoughts, please?
Then I realized, I'm right. I'm totally right. Just not about the whole eight months thing. The people I talked to tonight told me that as long as you're in a healthy relationship, it will be a learning experience. But I'm not taking these eight months to find what I want in a relationship. I'm taking the eight months (or however long it takes, whether it be longer or shorter) to find out who I am and what I want, not from a relationship, but from life and from and in God. So no, I don't think it's stupid to 'kiss dating goodbye' entirely. Now, I'm not saying the people I talked to tonight were wrong. :) They were totally right too. A healthy relationship can lead to learning and growing in Christ.. but I don't think I need a romantic relationship to do that. I need to first grow disciplined with myself and God and my community of faith and God before I grow disciplined with a romantic relationship in God.
I don't know. As I said, my thoughts are going a crazy million different directions at the moment.
Thoughts, please?
7.13.2010
Who Am I?
Written during the fall semester of my Freshmen year.
I wrote this for a paper that is actually due tomorrow. It's not often papers for school are as emotional. This one was for an assaignment I had to do to create a mission statement for my life. Tell me your thoughts. Keep me accountable- please.
My name is Gregory Kramer Steward. Gregory is an English form of the Latin word Gregorius, which means 'watchful' and 'alert'. My middle name, Kramer, is a variation of the German word Cramer, which is a definition for a person who 'peddles' (sells merchandise across the land). Finally, my last name, Steward, means 'one who manages another's property' and 'attendant'. Although each of these names may have meanings from books and history, each of my names means something special to me. The name Gregory makes me an individual; it creates vocabulary for people so that when they hear the name Gregory, they can confine a certain amount of actions and a certain personality type that describe me (and no one else). Kramer, is a special name that is very dear to my heart. My great-grandmother (who passed, just this October) married and her last name became Kramer. How I did not realize how special this name was until I became close with my great-grandmother. The name Kramer is a special reminder for me from my great-grandmother (whom I call Grandma II) and it makes me a part of a legacy- history - an ongoing timeline. Last, but certainly not least, the name Steward puts me in a group- a family. People say the people you hang around are the people you become- in my family, this is absolutely true. They are who I hope to become as I make this journey through life. The name Gregory Kramer Steward makes me an individual that is part of a legacy and a family. It defines me in the present (Gregory), the past (Kramer), and the future (Steward).
Other than my name, my past experience in life plays a major role in who I am today. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with an immense brain tumor (the size of a tennis ball), right next to my brain stem. The best way to remove, I was told, was by surgery. I went into the hospital and four days after my short journey, I was put to sleep so they could remove this tumor from my brain. I woke up (8 hours later) and had total recognition of who I was, where I was (I even knew which part of the hospital I was in), and who was with me. Two days later, I left the hospital. The doctor's had seen my improvement from my inability to move to being able to walk up and down stairs. They were shocked- especially so soon after a major surgery. Little did I know what I had just done. 3 months later, I sat in my room reviewing the entire experience. Second by second ticked by as I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness.. How did I make it through that?" I didn't realize until later that God had given me peace and strength throughout the entire week. Somehow He knew I was going to be okay, and somehow I am still baffled by it. This pushed the question to me: What does He want me to do for my life? Maybe it was a wake-up call. Maybe it was a call. The question remains unanswered, but that doesn't mean I've given up looking for it.
Less than one year ago, another huge thing happened in my life that made me once again appreciate life- this time not my own. It had been a cold night at work and I had clocked out and was talking to Mom as I was on my way out to my car. She told me to call her when I got home (just to be sure I got home safely). I drove home with the music blasting (as usual). I got home and the dog greeted me warmly and I took her to the back door to let her out. Meanwhile, I picked up the home phone and dialed mom's cell phone number. Nobody picked up. So I called Dad. I received no answer. I called Mom one more time. As I was calling, my grandparents (who live 10 houses down the street from us) beeped in on the other line. I answered and it was my grandfather. He told me to come down to their house. I asked why and he told me he'd tell me when I got there. On the way down there, I said to myself, "Ok. They're ok. I bet they got in a car accident." It was the only explanation as to why they weren't answering their phones. I walked in the door and my grandmother grabbed my hand. My grandfather turned to me and said, "They've been in a car accident- but they are ok." I smiled. Somehow God gave me the audacity and the sense to be ready for this. I went home after that and called my best friend. He came straight to my house to keep me company. I knew I wouldn't get to see my family and would go to church the next morning without them. I stayed up that entire night, watching movies with my best friend and answering any calls that came to the house. When my family came home the next day, it was excitement central. They were all in pain but there was no long-term injuries. It was so good to have them home. The entire situation taught me patience and value. It definitely made me value my family more than I would have otherwise. Again, I said to myself, "God, is this another wake-up call? or just a call that I couldn't understand yet." For some reason I hear Him say to me over and over again, "Just be patient. One day. One day." Anyone who knows me well knows I'm not a patient person. I am struggling with this even today; but I have hope and confidence that one day... one day will come.
8 months later, I had graduated high school at the top of the class (top 100% to be exact) and was starting my life as a full-time college student. This is when I've made another big leap (no pun intended) in my life. Throughout my classes and my relationships, there have been many lessons on leadership, humility, patience, and many, many others. I have taken two surveys that have helped me put into words who I am. The first one was called the Strengths Quest, and it listed your top five strengths. Mine were as follows: Strategy, Positivity, Woo, Input, and Futuristic. These have created a vocabulary for me and others, and helps me determine how I can help people in the most efficient way possible. The second one I took was the MBTI (Meyer's Brigg's Type Indicator). I was defined as an ESTJ (Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging). Some call this the "American" personality and others call it the "Guardian" personality. All of those surveys have helped me in my quest to find out: Who Am I?
Honestly, I am not sure I want to answer that question. Not because it would be a bad answer or it wouldn't be a 'right' answer; but because if I find the answer to that, I will have no more to learn. I find that to be impossible- especially for one like me who loves to learn new concepts and information. I don't see answering this question as a homework assignment. Nor do I see it as a burden because it cannot be answered. I see it as a challenge- an opportunity to learn and grow. I think, in the end, that is what I want to be. I want to be a man who is constantly on the move- upward; who is constantly reaching this goal that at the same time it is unreachable, there are always new heights to be reached; doors to be opened and new words to be explored. Sometimes it may be a constant battle, but I have no doubt that my God will pick me up when I am down; comfort me when I am scared; love me when I am unloved. All in all, I strive to be an individual which is a part of a legacy and family, an influence that will better improve the efficiency of my life and others, and last (but not least), I never want to be able to fully answer the question: Who Am I?
I wrote this for a paper that is actually due tomorrow. It's not often papers for school are as emotional. This one was for an assaignment I had to do to create a mission statement for my life. Tell me your thoughts. Keep me accountable- please.
My name is Gregory Kramer Steward. Gregory is an English form of the Latin word Gregorius, which means 'watchful' and 'alert'. My middle name, Kramer, is a variation of the German word Cramer, which is a definition for a person who 'peddles' (sells merchandise across the land). Finally, my last name, Steward, means 'one who manages another's property' and 'attendant'. Although each of these names may have meanings from books and history, each of my names means something special to me. The name Gregory makes me an individual; it creates vocabulary for people so that when they hear the name Gregory, they can confine a certain amount of actions and a certain personality type that describe me (and no one else). Kramer, is a special name that is very dear to my heart. My great-grandmother (who passed, just this October) married and her last name became Kramer. How I did not realize how special this name was until I became close with my great-grandmother. The name Kramer is a special reminder for me from my great-grandmother (whom I call Grandma II) and it makes me a part of a legacy- history - an ongoing timeline. Last, but certainly not least, the name Steward puts me in a group- a family. People say the people you hang around are the people you become- in my family, this is absolutely true. They are who I hope to become as I make this journey through life. The name Gregory Kramer Steward makes me an individual that is part of a legacy and a family. It defines me in the present (Gregory), the past (Kramer), and the future (Steward).
Other than my name, my past experience in life plays a major role in who I am today. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with an immense brain tumor (the size of a tennis ball), right next to my brain stem. The best way to remove, I was told, was by surgery. I went into the hospital and four days after my short journey, I was put to sleep so they could remove this tumor from my brain. I woke up (8 hours later) and had total recognition of who I was, where I was (I even knew which part of the hospital I was in), and who was with me. Two days later, I left the hospital. The doctor's had seen my improvement from my inability to move to being able to walk up and down stairs. They were shocked- especially so soon after a major surgery. Little did I know what I had just done. 3 months later, I sat in my room reviewing the entire experience. Second by second ticked by as I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness.. How did I make it through that?" I didn't realize until later that God had given me peace and strength throughout the entire week. Somehow He knew I was going to be okay, and somehow I am still baffled by it. This pushed the question to me: What does He want me to do for my life? Maybe it was a wake-up call. Maybe it was a call. The question remains unanswered, but that doesn't mean I've given up looking for it.
Less than one year ago, another huge thing happened in my life that made me once again appreciate life- this time not my own. It had been a cold night at work and I had clocked out and was talking to Mom as I was on my way out to my car. She told me to call her when I got home (just to be sure I got home safely). I drove home with the music blasting (as usual). I got home and the dog greeted me warmly and I took her to the back door to let her out. Meanwhile, I picked up the home phone and dialed mom's cell phone number. Nobody picked up. So I called Dad. I received no answer. I called Mom one more time. As I was calling, my grandparents (who live 10 houses down the street from us) beeped in on the other line. I answered and it was my grandfather. He told me to come down to their house. I asked why and he told me he'd tell me when I got there. On the way down there, I said to myself, "Ok. They're ok. I bet they got in a car accident." It was the only explanation as to why they weren't answering their phones. I walked in the door and my grandmother grabbed my hand. My grandfather turned to me and said, "They've been in a car accident- but they are ok." I smiled. Somehow God gave me the audacity and the sense to be ready for this. I went home after that and called my best friend. He came straight to my house to keep me company. I knew I wouldn't get to see my family and would go to church the next morning without them. I stayed up that entire night, watching movies with my best friend and answering any calls that came to the house. When my family came home the next day, it was excitement central. They were all in pain but there was no long-term injuries. It was so good to have them home. The entire situation taught me patience and value. It definitely made me value my family more than I would have otherwise. Again, I said to myself, "God, is this another wake-up call? or just a call that I couldn't understand yet." For some reason I hear Him say to me over and over again, "Just be patient. One day. One day." Anyone who knows me well knows I'm not a patient person. I am struggling with this even today; but I have hope and confidence that one day... one day will come.
8 months later, I had graduated high school at the top of the class (top 100% to be exact) and was starting my life as a full-time college student. This is when I've made another big leap (no pun intended) in my life. Throughout my classes and my relationships, there have been many lessons on leadership, humility, patience, and many, many others. I have taken two surveys that have helped me put into words who I am. The first one was called the Strengths Quest, and it listed your top five strengths. Mine were as follows: Strategy, Positivity, Woo, Input, and Futuristic. These have created a vocabulary for me and others, and helps me determine how I can help people in the most efficient way possible. The second one I took was the MBTI (Meyer's Brigg's Type Indicator). I was defined as an ESTJ (Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging). Some call this the "American" personality and others call it the "Guardian" personality. All of those surveys have helped me in my quest to find out: Who Am I?
Honestly, I am not sure I want to answer that question. Not because it would be a bad answer or it wouldn't be a 'right' answer; but because if I find the answer to that, I will have no more to learn. I find that to be impossible- especially for one like me who loves to learn new concepts and information. I don't see answering this question as a homework assignment. Nor do I see it as a burden because it cannot be answered. I see it as a challenge- an opportunity to learn and grow. I think, in the end, that is what I want to be. I want to be a man who is constantly on the move- upward; who is constantly reaching this goal that at the same time it is unreachable, there are always new heights to be reached; doors to be opened and new words to be explored. Sometimes it may be a constant battle, but I have no doubt that my God will pick me up when I am down; comfort me when I am scared; love me when I am unloved. All in all, I strive to be an individual which is a part of a legacy and family, an influence that will better improve the efficiency of my life and others, and last (but not least), I never want to be able to fully answer the question: Who Am I?
3.20.2010
Lifesong
Whoooo... It has been awhile. I haven't seen this page in awhile.. a blank screen. Well.. what do you do with a blank computer screen? Write. Just let all of those thoughts you've had on your mind come loose and be free.
Being free is a great thing. You know? Forget about burdens that weigh you down. Forget about expectations. Forget about being someone you're not. It helps.
You know what helps me be free? Music..
It just takes me away. Especially an upbeat song. You guys know how positive I am. Listening to an upbeat song is like drinking 5 energy drinks for me.. it just makes me wanna MOVE!! Makes me wanna sing!!
Of course, now that I've mentioned both music and writing being ways to be free, I would think something like songwriting would be fun... but I can't write music (and I never plan to). But I can write... while listening to music! Which I have done in every note I have written so far. And, if it's not obvious, I usually write with upbeat songs playing in the background. It energizes me! It sets me free... to write what I want! It lets you, my friends, see and understand (hopefully) what is going on in my life!!
A best friend of mine, Kacey Jo, sent me a quote this morning that has been on my mind quite a bit lately. Don't wait for something big to occur. Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater. -Mary Manin Morrissey
Could it be said any better?!?! Like an upbeat song for me, we all need something to energize ourselves and get out and do what we, as humans, are meant to do. Some people say our job is to spread the word of God. Some say our job is to help each other out. Some say our job is to do good deeds.
I say our job in life is to LIVE. All of those things I mentioned above? That's a part of what it means to truly LIVE!!!
But guess what?!?!?!
We can't do that alone. We all need someone. Well ALL need someone. We ALL need EVERYONE.
Have you guys heard Lifesong, by Casting Crowns.. I've never heard it until right as I am typing at the moment and I'm not sure why but my playlist is on random shuffle and it started playing this song and it hits on PERFECTLY what I'm talking about!!
I encourage you guys to go listen to it before you read any further:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQHM3sxSxzE
When I hear a song, it changes my mood. If I hear an upbeat song, I all of a sudden have energy! An inner energy that comes from the heart- not an energy that comes from drinking some energy drink or eating a ton of sugar. A song that plays an effect on my life (my attitude, my energy, etc etc etc!).
A song that has an influence to change someone's life.
I don't have to explain this to you guys. You know what I'm talking about. You understand.
Each life has its own song- its own set of music.
So ask yourself, like I asked myself:
What does my lifesong sing?
Or an even better question might be:
Is it radio worthy?
Being free is a great thing. You know? Forget about burdens that weigh you down. Forget about expectations. Forget about being someone you're not. It helps.
You know what helps me be free? Music..
It just takes me away. Especially an upbeat song. You guys know how positive I am. Listening to an upbeat song is like drinking 5 energy drinks for me.. it just makes me wanna MOVE!! Makes me wanna sing!!
Of course, now that I've mentioned both music and writing being ways to be free, I would think something like songwriting would be fun... but I can't write music (and I never plan to). But I can write... while listening to music! Which I have done in every note I have written so far. And, if it's not obvious, I usually write with upbeat songs playing in the background. It energizes me! It sets me free... to write what I want! It lets you, my friends, see and understand (hopefully) what is going on in my life!!
A best friend of mine, Kacey Jo, sent me a quote this morning that has been on my mind quite a bit lately. Don't wait for something big to occur. Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater. -Mary Manin Morrissey
Could it be said any better?!?! Like an upbeat song for me, we all need something to energize ourselves and get out and do what we, as humans, are meant to do. Some people say our job is to spread the word of God. Some say our job is to help each other out. Some say our job is to do good deeds.
I say our job in life is to LIVE. All of those things I mentioned above? That's a part of what it means to truly LIVE!!!
But guess what?!?!?!
We can't do that alone. We all need someone. Well ALL need someone. We ALL need EVERYONE.
Have you guys heard Lifesong, by Casting Crowns.. I've never heard it until right as I am typing at the moment and I'm not sure why but my playlist is on random shuffle and it started playing this song and it hits on PERFECTLY what I'm talking about!!
I encourage you guys to go listen to it before you read any further:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQHM3sxSxzE
When I hear a song, it changes my mood. If I hear an upbeat song, I all of a sudden have energy! An inner energy that comes from the heart- not an energy that comes from drinking some energy drink or eating a ton of sugar. A song that plays an effect on my life (my attitude, my energy, etc etc etc!).
A song that has an influence to change someone's life.
I don't have to explain this to you guys. You know what I'm talking about. You understand.
Each life has its own song- its own set of music.
So ask yourself, like I asked myself:
What does my lifesong sing?
Or an even better question might be:
Is it radio worthy?
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